WHAT MOST OF MY STRAIGHT FRIENDS THINK OF GAY MEN

Before interning at gayhealth.sg, I was predominantly surrounded by your typical, straight male friends, i.e those who are not too comfortable with the idea of being gay. My only experience with someone who identified as gay was during Junior College and under the influence of alcohol, I almost kissed him at Zouk. You can tell by now that my exposure to the gay community is minimal.

However, I have not shut myself out from the LGBTI community and secretly take pride in the beauty of the vast diversity of people, and this article is a light-hearted and comical perspective about gay men.

Read on and tell me what you think in the comments section below!! Feel free to add on to this list of myths if you can.

Agarthesh

Agarthesh

MSM Intern

First year major in NUS, I am straight but not narrow. Love frisbee, and climbing mountain.


Gay men have a lot of sex.

 

empty_8a832f1ab188dabfcdbe201d17be8abd1

You could say that some gay men have sex with multiple partners. However, it’s also true that straight people are also sexually driven and engage with multiple sex partners. Men in general just love sex!


Gay men are ‘softer’ or more effeminate because they are more in tune with their feminine side.

feminine

There are a few who have mannerisms and characteristics that are effeminate. On the contrary, there are the brave, introverted or manly gay men out there who don’t fit into this stereotype. I guess we all have our own mannerisms that differentiate us as individuals. So what if a guy is sensitive, and is in touch with his emotions? You have to acknowledge that it takes courage to do that.


Gay men are girls’ best friends, aka The fag hags!!!

image

I guess there is a certain amount of truth with this one. Since there are no other agenda(s) than  to be friends, they can both be straightforward and open with each other. Maybe this is why some women are really close to gay men. Boys, here’s something we can all learn from our gay brothers. Show some respect to our lady friends.


Gay men hit on all guys they see.

what_are_u_staring_at

Contrary to popular belief, gay men don’t just hit on anyone out there. Everyone has their preferred someone that they’d like to be with. Besides, if a gay man hits on you, take it as a vote of confidence. It’s a little strange at first, but once you look past the fact that straight or gay, we’ve evolved biologically to look for a mate. The next time a gay man hits on you, remember that you’ve fulfilled the primal instincts and needs of what a good mate should have. It’s a good sign mate.


All gay men know each other.

20150613_182806 (1)

It’s the culture, and attitudes of the society at large, that (for the lack of a better word) forces or shapes the way the community functions. The gay community have had to come together to seek solace and support in this hetero-normative society. Yet, we also know that many gay individuals are not open or comfortable with letting other people know of their sexual orientation. This is due to the high levels of stigma and discrimination dealt towards persons who are queer gender; which in turns causes a high levels of physical and mental stress amongst gay men.

Therefore, it is a myth that all gay men know each other. Thankfully, events like Pink Dot allow the LGBTQ community to come together to meet other people, celebrate their love and feel comfortable and proud about who they are.


Gay People are Rich. “It’s called Pink Dollar, honey…”

Neil patrick harris

Gay men like Neil Patrick Harris or Jessie Tyler Ferguson from the famous sitcom, Modern Family, often give the impression of gay men to be fancy and rich people. People in same sex relationship normally spend lesser when compared to their straight peers in the same life stage, since their focus isn’t on getting a place , expensive marriages or raising children. . That being said, everyone still has their own expenses and not everyone has that dream job to support their expenses.

This is still quite a homogenous society when it comes to income and expenditure, and thus we’re all pretty much the same. In fact gay men have to work harder everywhere you look, we’re at a disadvantage, when there are no clear policies to protect discrimination against LGBTQ individuals.


Like straight couples, gay couples also have an ‘Arthur’ and a ‘Martha’ in the relationship.

modern family 1

This is by far the most common misunderstanding of how same sex relationships work amongst straight people. The fact that one person in the relationship acts as the opposite gender while the other remains as the represented gender. It’s like asking which chopstick goes on the left and which one on the right.

modern family 2

Even when hetero-normative relationships are of concern, girls don’t always  just do the chores and guys don’t always  just go out to work. Gender roles are after all a construct of the society. There is no difference between gay relationships and normal relationships. The love a couple shares is the same for gay and straight relationships.


Being gay is a lifestyle choice.

lily-gay

Being gay is not a switch one turns on halfway through life. For me, I believe that it is by nature that they live their lives the way they do. Most of my gay friends grow up in families that preach about straight values and it just does not make sense that being gay for them is by nurture. Even famous singer – songwriter, Adam Levine, said, “I can single-handedly dispel any ideas that homosexuality is acquired. Trust me, you’re born with it. My brother is gay, and we knew it when he was two.”

After all, there is  a study in Psychological Medicine magazine called, “Genome-wide scan demonstrates significant linkage for male sexual orientation.”  It proves that a male’s sexual orientation is linked to his genes, something we can’t prevent – a result of nature.


LET’S DISCUSS THESE VIEWS!!! CHALLENGE WHAT OTHERS THINK. SHARE WITH US YOUR OWN THOUGHT TOO!


Author’s comment:

My experience with gay guys in my junior college days taught me little. To my recollection, that was my closest and embarrassingly, only encounter with a someone gay. Now that I am here interning, my exposure to the gay community in Singapore has increased tremendously. I can even feel my ‘gaydar’ getting stronger from the ‘training’ I receive during my stint at Pink Carpet Network. I have come to realise that they are no different from us, and see them as individuals, both unique and interesting in their own way. I feel that I can start sharing with my friends and people around me about this beauty. The beauty of being unique and being who we are as individuals.


Citations: Sanders, A. R., Martin, E. R., Beecham, G. W., Guo, S., Dawood, K., Rieger, G., Badner, J.A., Gershon, E.S., Krishnappa, R.S., Kolundzija, A.B., Duan, J., Gejman, P.J. and Bailey, J. M. (2015; 2014). Genome-wide scan demonstrates significant linkage for male sexual orientation. Psychological Medicine, 45(7), 1379-10. doi:10.1017/S0033291714002451
1 reply
  1. Jet
    Jet says:

    A good read and I feel articles like this helps foster better understanding between the straights and the PLUs. Let all take many positive steps forward for a world of love with lotsa respect and understanding.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply