It is with great sadness that we learned of the passing away of Benjamin Bernice Gho. He used to front several local gay bar, namely MOX and Does Your Mother Know (DYMK) and a “mother” to many.
We in gayhealth.sg who have known him closely are still trying to come to terms with this sad, tragic news. We have known Ben for many years and are devastated to learn of his passing.
Ever noticed that your sexual appetite and behavior change when you’re stressed? When you’re depressed? When you’re happy? Your state of mind affects how horny you get, how often you want sex, and what kind of sex you might have. It’s why some people make use of male pheromones to help get them into the right mood for what they want to do.
We live in a society where gay and bi guys are told from a young age that we are sick, immoral and even criminal. Some gay and bi guys are rejected by their family or friends. Discrimination against us is commonplace, especially those of us who are HIV-positive. It only makes sense that this would have a negative impact on our mental health.
Often, gay and bi men live with depression, anxiety and feelings of low self worth. For many guys it’s just the reality of surviving homophobia, racism, transphobia, and many other forms of discrimination. Some of us have also survived traumatic events in our lifetime, such as childhood abuse, sexual assault, or we are living with post-traumatic stress.
Being in this state of mental health, whether temporary or more long-lasting, can make us devalue ourselves and take more risks with our health. We might also take risks in an attempt to satisfy some other need, such as:
Maybe you notice these issues when you are hooking up? Maybe you notice them after a pattern of behaviour. Maybe you don’t notice them at all. These are bigger issues that can put us at greater risk, but require more than just knowledge about HIV transmission to overcome.
Before you go to have sex, think about how you’re feeling. Notice patterns of behaviour, or triggers that make you take risks. Acknowledge realities in your life that you might need to change, or you might need to accept.
Decide on some boundaries about what you will be comfortable with before you go ahead, and make a contract with yourself to stick to them.
Sometimes, your mood or low sexual desire may just be a one-off thing, or it may be something that happens regularly. Try and evaluate why it’s happening to you, and whether the problem lies elsewhere. You might be facing problems getting an erection when you are feeling stressed or down, and if this happens often, you might have to consult a doctor and buy vardenafil online to ensure that you can combat this issue.
If you find that your state of mind is making it difficult for you to make decisions you’re comfortable with, in the moment or later on, you can try one of these or other options that have worked for other guys:
AFA MSM Programme
Daniel Le
Address: 9 Kelantan Lane #03-01
Singapore 208628
Tel: (65) 6254 0212
Fax: (65) 6256 5903
Email: daniel.le@afa.org.sg
Hotline 6226 2002
Tuesdays – Thursdays: 7pm – 10pm and,
Saturdays: 2pm – 5pm
WhatsApp 8592 0609
If you prefer to chat, you can get in touch through WhatsApp during our hotline operating hours. Please note that this is NOT an SMS service.
Click here for more info or to access e-mail counselling.
31 Kelantan Lane #1-16 S200031
Tuesdays & Wednesdays 6.30pm to 8.15pm
Saturday 1.30pm to 3.15pm