Single and Loving It!

When we were young, we had many dreams; some aspired to grow up to become that idolized proud gay man we knew as a child or be that high-flier complete with a big house and fancy cars to boot. But the ultimate dream is to have that special someone to share a life with…our very own happy ever after.


As age and wisdom gets the better of us, we soon come to realise that dreams rarely pan out the way we planned them. Difficult choices had to be made at times and dreams get dropped along the way as reality bites. Yet despite so many milestones achieved, one box remains elusive and at times, challenging.

Where is that life partner we are promised, where is the man of my dreams?

As we look around us and see many other gay men in a happy relationship with their partners (or in some cases, partners) the question of companionship or the lack of it will starts rearing its ugly head…

“Why are they so lucky, where do I start searching?”

What is it about being a relationship that makes many gay men yearns for it? Why are we so afraid to be alone? Undeniably there are benefits of being single and you really are never alone even when you think you are. Nonetheless here is a good read for the singles out there who thinks that they need to be in a relationship to be happy.

Yes, having a life partner could be the greatest thing to ever happen to anyone but for some that could also mean constantly questioning the validity of their relationship. Some might start to explore options and ways to spice up a ‘stale’ relationship by various means of fulfilling each other’s fantasy for instance. The constant demands to keep the relationship going may remind some of us the many benefits of being single and the list includes:

  1. Spend more time at the gym to look good to attract potential lovers. 
  2. Have your own money to spend on whatever you desired. 
  3. Have more time to achieve your career and education.
  4. Doing less housework because you are the only person in your place, or only have one place to manage.
  5. The freedom to date whomever you want and go on as many dates as possible.
  6. Have better sleep and with more space on the bed to sleep how you want.
  7. Single people are generally more social than married people.
  8. Single people have less stress during vacations versus travelling when married. 
  9. Single have the option to have more alone time if they are tired versus being married. 

There are many good points that most people can agree with (while some don’t) yet it is an undeniable fact that a relationship is not always a ‘happily ever after’ and may on the contrary be a ‘work in progress’. Relationship comes in many different types and it depends on you to define it and it is constant hard work to maintain one. A good friend once shared “relationship is like a job; you must start at the entry level and work your way to a career…” a fact we wholeheartedly agreed with.

A relationship is also not a stage in life for you to explore your belief systems and values or your ‘self-ness’ of what makes you essentially you. So don’t dive into one the next time you meet someone on Grindr or at a sauna just because you see others in a relationship. It is not a fashion statement you’re making or a trend to follow. Use this period of singlehood to learn more about yourself and enjoy life and the benefits it brings along. If some special were to come along, he is yours to keep. Most importantly as a single healthy gay man who is enjoying the buffet table of available partners, a regular testing regime is a must. Test every 6 months for any sexually transmitted infections especially Syphilis. And always use a condom.


1 reply
  1. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Thanks for the beautiful article of how good for being a single. It’s undeniable and absolutely agreed with the points you mentioned all at above. However, in my opinion, you’d slowly feel lonely and alone for being single after 30yrs old. It’s because you are aging and won’t get attracted or attention by men. As in gay community, appearance is a very important value asset that all men got attracted to at the first sight. Without it, no one would notice your existence. So it’d be difficult to find a partner in a relationship and most of the gay men are looking for young, cute and handsome boys. What about me who don’t have muscular shape body, not good looking and balding old man? Maybe have 0.01% of chance in my life. That’s sad isn’t it? I know everyone of us has to be confidence, positive thinking and believe in yourself. To me, it’s very comforting words to be said by your friends and thank to them for being encouragement and supporting me. At the same time, we have to accept the reality and the fact of how gay community works. I’m 30+ and afraid of being single which brings me loneliness because friends can’t be at your side 24/7. It’d be great they could company whenever you need them to be around with. However I’d feel sorry to disturb/interrupt them all the times (just a human nature of thinking that try not to bother people if unnecessary).

    In closing, nothing is perfect and so does relationship. To have relationship better than none.


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